


Dead Burglar Walking

by dt8b0t



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Canon Rewrite, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 14:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dt8b0t/pseuds/dt8b0t
Summary: The song Dead Girl Walking from JD's perspective.





	Dead Burglar Walking

Jason was woken up that night by the shaking of his shoulder. The first thing he sensed in the blur between sleep and wake was the smell: mainly ~~like his dad~~ like booze, but also flowery, like a perfume, or lipstick.

The second thing his mind absorbed was her face. Reddened, hair ruffled, and as pretty as he remembered them being. The face of the local he had spoken to once, a day or two ago, that is.

“Veronica? What're you doing in my room?”   
“Shhhh.” she did a ridiculously overblown shushing movement. “Sorry, but I really had to wake you;   
See, I decided I must ride you till I break you.”

_ Whoa, that was quick. _   
“ 'Cause Heather says I gots to go; You're my last meal on death row.”  _ What, why, what's going on, could you let me sp- _ “Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities! Come on! Tonight I'm yours, I'm a dead girl walking!” 

At this point she opened her top to reveal her undershirt, showing she was serious. An internal dilema arose within him:

JD’s brain:  _ She breaks into my house in the middle of the night, I don’t even know her, she just  _ **_decides_ ** _ that we’re gonna ha- _

JD’s libido:  _ SHUT UP _

JD’s brain:  _...okay. _

The dilema ended.   
“Get on all fours, “ she pushed him down to the floor. He wasn’t sure, but he kinda… liked it?   
“Kiss this dead girl walking! Let's go, you know the drill; I'm hot and pissed and on the pill. Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking!”

The Sexy Burglar ™ got down to face him, her expression turning gentle.

“And you know, you know, you know, it's 'cause you're beautiful. You say you're numb inside, But I can't agree. So the world's unfair, Keep it locked out there… In here it's beautiful. Let's make this beautiful!”

For a few seconds he felt his loneliness and sorrow melt away, as he was being wrapped in affection. He could not recall the last time he felt that.

And then the moment ended, and he  **needed** another.   
“That works for me - “ he started, before she attacked his face.   
“Yeah! Full steam ahead! Take this dead girl walking!”

She opened her shirt.  _ Good shit, good shit right there if I do say so myself. _   
_ Mental note: always be around when Veronica is pissed/ horny/ whatever this is. Maybe I could invite her to my place and get her in the mood? wait a minute... _   
“How'd you find my address?”

“Let's break the bed! Rock this dead girl walking!”   
“I think you tore my mattress!” 

He’s gonna live with that for 6 whole weeks, damnit.   
“No sleep tonight for you, Better chug that Mountain Dew!”   
“Okay, okay.”  _ As long as I’m getting laid. _   
“Get your ass in gear, Make this whole town disappear!”   
“Okay, okay!”  _ Veronica, you are doing me a frighten. _   
“Slap me! Pull my hair, touch me there and there and there, but no more talking!”

_ Mental note: no more talking. _   
“Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! Yeah, yeah!”   
“Love this dead girl…”   
“Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! Wait, wait!”   
“Love this dead girl…”   
“Ow!”

_ Mental note: do not choose “being food” as career path. _

_ And if you do, only Veronica’s. _


End file.
